Emotional Guidence

I tried to think of a word to describe how my overall life experience has been feeling lately. I settled on discomfort. Then I looked up the definition. The definition reads “slight pain”. Not physical pain, but yes, this feels emotionally painful. The longer i thought about the "why" behind the feeling, i realized that all feelings are trying to tell you something. Emotions are internal guides letting you know if your on or off your path.  My discomfort was saying, you’ve outgrown the place that you're in and there's more. So much more. Nudging me in the right direction. You have to look at your feelings as bowling lane bumpers, always pushing you back on your path. And when you go slightly too far left or right, it's going to push you back until you find your way to the middle. And the middle feels good, it feels like bliss.

When i tried to bring up the actual feeling of discomfort and dissect it as i do most my feelings, It feels like that feeling where you think you’ve took a wrong turn but your not sure.. it feels like I’m far from myself, and I’m not as happy as i could be. Like a change of direction is needed. The thing about discomfort, (not just mine), is it's leading you. It doesn’t separate you from yourself, it brings you back to yourself. It makes you look at all the plans you have for now, and the future, and surrendering them. Only then, can a new route surface and show you the way.

Then I asked why I was so fearful to change my story of what’s next. Actually, Why are humans so scared of change? So scared of movement. Nothing is stagnant in this universe. Absolutely everything is energy and everything is moving. Constantly. Changing direction, and forms, and places. We too, are meant to change forms, to move, and grow, and become. We are meant for growth. We're here to grow. We aren’t here to play small.

Admitting you’re not where you want to be takes a lot of courage. And boy, is it humbling. It's not fun to admit to yourself and the world that your a little lost. You went to school, you're employed, you are excelling at your first job. it all seems so simple looking forward. You followed the "plan". I'll do this and this and this and then i'll be where i’m supposed to be. And then i'll be happy. Happiness is no destination, weight, job, place, or circumstance. Happiness is now. In this moment. You're never where you're supposed to be; there’s always more. it goes against all the laws of the universe to stay in one place. You are always expanding, growing, finding more of you.

Its okay not to know. While it used to be a dark place in my mind, now it’s a place full of light and potential. Surrender feels good. It means the doors open up, and the world again becomes your oyster. And once again, you unravel, you become, you fall. Not farther from yourself, but even closer than before.